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Listening
Chapter 5.2 Next Step
Draft 5/1/09
“No one listens anyway.” – Phillip Crosby
When I work on communications skills with groups of executives I often use a short test that I found very helpful when another consultant used it with me years ago:
Which communication skill do you most wish to improve?
a. Become a better public speaker
b. Be more persuasive
c. Write better
d. Listen better
e. Tell a funny story or joke better
f. Other
Very few people, including very few in management, choose “d. Listen better.” Most people when they think of communicating better think first about how they can encourage others to listen more, not how they themselves should listen more or better. We all know that communications is a two-way street, but we generally want more lanes going in the direction from us to others rather than the reverse.
There is another story that I share less frequently. When I was a teenager, my mother would often give me advice and end with the question: “Are you listening to me?” I would typically answer, “Yes, I hear you.” There is a world of difference, of course, between hearing and listening. Hearing makes no demands. It is a passive, physical activity. Listening, in contrast, requires attention and effort. It is an active, mental activity. To listen, you must engage your mind and process what you are hearing. That is why listening is such a powerful tool for learning. Think of it this way:
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Hearing
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Listening
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- Also “hear” what is not said
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- Miss opportunities for learning
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- Make opportunities to learn
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- “In one ear and out the other.”
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- Greater retention and application
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If you want to make your experience matter, you need to maximize your learning opportunities. You cannot do that without listening, i.e. without actively engaging your mind to process what you hear. Active listening even helps you identify what has not been said, like “reading between the lines.”
Listening depends on respect for the ideas and feelings of others. It is very hard to listen if you do not begin with the assumption that there is or could be value in what the other person is saying. That is a prime reason for the failure of much business communication, especially between people who differ in organizational status, functional area, or role.
Good listening often begins with clarifying questions, asked with interest and sincerity: “How would that work?” “Why do you think that?” “What do you intend to accomplish with that?” Such questions encourage others to explain themselves more fully and clearly and help you to better understand their ideas and perspectives. This puts you in a great position to learn, to clarify your own thinking or feelings, and to share them in return.
Readers familiar with the concept of “active listening” in business will also know that a second type of question, a sincere confirmatory question, helps to further ensure successful communication. “Do I understand correctly that your suggestion is to…? “Your plan is to …. Is that right?” “To summarize, we have all agreed that …. Did I capture everyone’s ideas accurately?” Such active listening puts you in a position to understand yourself and the world around you more fully.
In a business context, listening expands your intelligence network dramatically. You can develop a fuller picture of opportunities and threats when you take advantage of the multiple perspectives offered by other interested and knowledgeable people. You can also gain a much richer sense of your personal strengths and weaknesses and those of your organization when you listen to others’ input instead of just relying on your own point of view.
Application: Practice active listening for understanding, using sincere questions as suggested above. Begin with the assumption that other people’s perspectives can add breath and depth to your own thoughts and ideas. You will find your planning skills improve and execution of approved plans will be smoother.
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